Dreaming, imagining, practicality and reality

My husband is a dreamer, or perhaps more accurately, an imaginer. He’s really great at it and I’m often envious.  He dreams of perfect places with ideal prices and beautiful perfection where things are easy and surprises are only ever good.  He’s all possibility and brightness.

Me?  I’m a planner. I dream (if you can call it dreaming) of the end result that follows the actions I can clearly see between now and there.  I spend my effort on the immense puzzle of taking realistic limitations and finding solutions.  I’m all action and practicality.

And I can’t window shop.  Because of my think-solve-act personality, I quickly go from looking to wanting to obsessing to disappointment.  My husband?  A champion window shopper, honing his wants over a long period of intense research and surfing.

That our discussions about moving from our magical house to a sometime-in-the-future-fabulous-house often deteriorate into time-out’s, then, isn’t much of a surprise. We come at life from different angles, something that makes us a great team but tough companion dreamers.  To him, I’m an argumentative downer who pokes holes in everything wonderful he dreams of and never leaves open the possibility of fantasticness.  To me, he’s completely and utterly impractical in his unwillingness to accept the limitations of reality and make trade-off’s among his various wants.

On the bright side, we are successful at deteriorating into silence over shouts, great progress from our first year of marriage.  The frustrating other side is that “dreaming” is much less rainbows and butterflies and much more critical assessment of needs versus wants.

“Your version of reality is just different than mine,” I said today.  Mine is the most probable line between now and then; his is the most wonderful.  When I’m calm enough to see the bigger picture, I’m reassured that our pieces fit together as they should.  When I’m not, I start to wish.

5 thoughts on “Dreaming, imagining, practicality and reality

  1. Josh and I are the exact same way. It’s actually kind of scary how closely this resembles us. This part had me furiously nodding my head yes:

    “To him, I’m an argumentative downer who pokes holes in everything wonderful he dreams of and never leaves open the possibility of fantasticness. To me, he’s completely and utterly impractical in his unwillingness to accept the limitations of reality and make trade-off’s among his various wants.”

    Seriously, THIS. I’m actually kind of speechless because you so completely hit the nail on the head and seeing it in writing made it all the more real.

    • @Em, So, old buddy old pal – any tips? :) I’ve realized that his dreaming DOESN’T necessitate action, in fact, it’s specifically not supposed to be about action. Weird. So I’m trying to indulge both of us by “playing pretend” more. It is kind of fun, I guess, even though I have to constantly reign myself in from playing Reality Cop.

      “Yes, that would be nice, wouldn’t it?” I say, clamping down on my automatic “And where do you think we’ll suddenly get millions of dollars?” response.

      • @Marisa, No tips because I pretty much do the same as you. And like you said, playing pretend is kinda fun…but there’s still that part of me that’s like “This is stupid, why are we even TALKING about it?”

        The worst is when he brings things up in front of others when we’re not on the same page. For example, a few years ago we discussed buying a condo, “discussed” being the operative word here. He brought it up in front of his parents which was not ok with me. But then when I tried to backtrack and say “We’re not really sure what we’re doing yet” he got all defensive… Win some, lose some I guess.

  2. I’m slowly getting used to my husband’s decision process… He’ll mention huge, expensive projects for our house, and practical me says “but we don’t even want to stay here forever, why move a bathtub?” He also loves to visit things he’s considering buying. We visited ceiling fans and entryway sconces for A YEAR. I was baffled at first, but now I think we’re starting to shift to some middle position between “practical now” and “big dream later.”

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