Mamas and daddies are different

I very much want to keep this post from being another “he said, she said” of differences between mamas and daddies, a laundry list of gripes and wishes. This is not that.

This is just this: mamas and daddies are different.

Despite how far we may have come as a society, how many opportunities mamas have to have big jobs, no matter how lucky I feel to have lived in this era – where I have the Big Career but can still try to find Work/ Life Balance – missing bedtime with my son still sucks.

And no matter how much my husband loves his child, how deeply he is involved in his upbringing, or how equal our partnership tries to be, it doesn’t pain him in quite the same way to miss bedtime.

This is the thing about modern working motherhood: you have all the opportunities and options, thank goodness for that, but in the end, when your son is sick, you want to be the one holding him. We could have a nanny to make sure I didn’t have to miss an important call because my son couldn’t go to daycare, but we don’t… we won’t.

When he’s not sick, I still want to be the one holding him! We sing quiet songs. He rubs my hair. I know the exhale that means it’s time for me to lay him in his crib. We have these tiny little moments of now every single night… how awesome is that?

Though I know intellectually that one bedtime isn’t a big deal, I can’t help the sadness. I know that an evening away from our subtle little rituals is good for Javi; the more ingrained they become, the harder it will be for him to adapt when he must.

But it still sucks.

2 thoughts on “Mamas and daddies are different

  1. I’m sorry you are feeling bad.

    The good news is, your desire to be there for Javi shows the strength of your bond. While one bedtime (or several) doesn’t matter, WANTING to be there does, I think, matter a lot. You’re a good mom!

  2. Yep. I know exactly what you mean. As much as I LOVE the bonding time he’ll get with Dad or Gramie when I’m not there – and I KNOW how good this is for him – I hate missing a single moment. The same reason I want to know ‘exactly’ how his day went when I pick him up. “Good” is not sufficient. I want to know that he REALLY got into singing time – or that he thought ____ was really funny – or that he played with the Red truck ALL DAY LONG. I want all the details I’m missing.

    It’s an interesting thing being a mom – because there are also nights when I’m exhausted or just have a long list of other things around the house that need to be done and I’m reading bedtime stories while hubby is watching TV or playing online and I wonder ‘Why is he not in here doing this’ with a little resentment – but I don’t want to change the situation at all :) One day he’s not going to want to snuggle with momma – so I will capture each snuggle I can right now!

    Hugs – It does suck.

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