Hi, there. Oh, and happy 2014.
As is my usual practice, I have begun the year thinking about where I should focus my change energies this year. I am a person who needs change and must grow to feel successful, so that I will change is a given; how I will change is what I try to choose.
One year I declared I would get my financial life in order; another, that I would learn to be a good partner. Both are ongoing challenges but each benefited from some focus.
My favorite part is that by thinking and setting an intention, I tend to succeed whether I think about <insert focus here> every day or week or month, or not.
I’ll be 35, certainly about time to finally figure out how not to look for so much external validation.
I’d like to do things in chunks of time rather than all at once, every minute or two. 30 minutes at a time sounds about right, and no phone in hand. I’d like to not have to know where my phone is at any given time.
I’d like to read real books, on paper, with the light on. I’d like to do yoga more than rarely. I’d like to pay careful attention to my son. I’d like to laugh, which is hard to do when one is distracted.
There are moments when I look at my son and I am overwhelmed by feelings – hope and love and amazement and fear and wonder. I’d like to not push those away because ew, feelings, I don’t like them. I’d like to stop censoring what I might read because it might make me feel something other than level. After years of striving for a level baseline, I’d like to reach for highs (and lows) again.
I’d like to care less what other people think and know more about what I feel. I’d like to breathe more deeply.
I want to be engrossed.