Woo, freaking, hoo!

Mine, mine, all MINE! (They are coasters. Fabulous vintage coasters with fabulous vintage chairs on them!)

I’ve been reading Havi Brooks’ Fluent Self lately.  Honestly?  Sometimes it’s too quirkyfor me and I can only read in small snippets, but I like the idea of putting what you want out there.

Speaking of, I had a meltdown on Monday night about not getting to talk with my husband about important things! Emphasis mine.  Hear my whininess?  Yea.  I had spent days trying to deal with my grumpiness, knowing it was rooted in my unwillingness to deal with something, but not sure what.

So I took two days to hang out with myself.  I journaled.  I talked to my monsters.  I emailed my bff, thought some more, figured it out, then pondered how best to bring up the subject with my husband.

And I forgot how to laugh, or do much of anything, really, because I was holding all my everything in by just not feeling anything.  So ironic.

Big surprise: I blew.  And cried.  And got snot all over myself, which then led to puffy eyes and a dehydration headache.  On the bright side, almost three years of a rocky relationship finally came through.  We each kept losing it and reeling ourselves back in, being the freaker and freakee.  It was very romantic in a totally-not-fun kind of way.  And in the end, when I said (okay, okay, sobbed rather pathetically), “Tell me what I need to do differently.  Please.  Just tell me,” he said,

“You have to say what you’re thinking.  And what you need.  And what you want.”

“But I don’t know what I want!” I replied.

“Then say that.”

“Oh.”

~~~

The intense friendship I had with AA guy was right on the heels of the worst break-up I’ve ever experienced, the kind I heard about but never could have imagined.  The kind where your co-worker decides he’s been wronged and doesn’t care about his own career as he tries to trash yours.  This after breaking up for reasons that seemed clear and logical: he couldn’t have any more kids.  I wanted some, someday.  Bummer, but not a fixable thing, not for us.

I become friends with another coworker — AA guy — who was very harsh but exactly what I needed.  “If you lie, you’re a liar and can’t ever be trusted,” he’d say.  Or, “if you’re not going to ask for what you want, I’m not going to bother trying.”  This last one even when it was clear what I was hinting toward.  Nope.  It was a principles kind of thing.

Then I met Joey, who remembers clearly the first moment he was really enamored by me as that time I stepped into the void and made clear what I wanted.  “I want Wendy’s!” as everyone else in the car tried to be polite.  He stopped the car, got out, and kissed me.

But that doesn’t come naturally to me.  And over time, I’ve fallen out of the habit of saying what I mean, stating what I need, asking for what I want.  I hint and hem and haw, wanting the other person to offer it before I have to ask.  My poor husband finds this supremely irritating.

~~~

Then there’s Havi.  She does this thing where she asks the universe for what she wants, in a rather charming way.  Plus, she’s quirky, so I relate.  And you know I love synchronicity.

Two days ago, after buying a new (vintage) coffee- and side-tables, my husband and I talked about how we needed coasters now.  {Oooh, grown-ups.}  Yesterday I made up a little mood board of all the awesome vintage furniture I’d love to have in my living room.  Last night when I clicked over to Craigslist, those coasters were the first entry. Coasters + awesome vintage chairs + my living room = done.

Be clear and honest about what I want — even if it seems a pipe dream — and the universe will find a way to make it happen… apparently.

Has that ever happened to you?  Also, how freaking cool are those coasters? *gloat*

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8 thoughts on “Woo, freaking, hoo!

  1. “You have to say what you’re thinking. And what you need. And what you want.”

    That might be the best relationship advice EVER.

  2. Those coasters are super fun. And don’t tell work, but after today, I’ll be calling in sick for the rest of the week. I have a headache- really, I do, and I totally need some time for me to figure stuff out and get in a better mood.

  3. I like Joey’s advice. In my family, we have the tendency not to say anything about our feelings until we’ve neatly analyzed them and given them a lot of thought and decided that they were worthy of someone else’s interpretation (also because it makes us feel more equipped to discuss them, obviously). The problem is that when you don’t know what you want or mean or feel you don’t talk! I try harder now to get comfortable with that. Sorry you had another blow up. Glad it lead to some clarity (and nice coasters!)

    • @Christine, I share your family’s tendencies, but in my youth (okay, fine, last week) my mom would swoop in and help me figure things out… or I’d get so worked up I’d blow my top and let it all out. I am trying not to do either of those things now. It’s a little tough.

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