I'm official

I walk into the living room after sitting outside — determined despite the hoards of mosquitoes intent on biting any unprotected flesh — and say to my husband, “I’m officially in the wanting-to-have-kids camp.”

“Say what?” he asks.  He was distracted by Fallout and the dogs wrestling.

I repeat myself, a little embarrassed by now.

“Oh, okay.”  He goes back to playing Fallout.  This is our life.


I sat outside on a bright-ass yellow Adirondack chair for thirty minutes.  People pay for this kind of view, I keep thinking, so I decide to make myself take advantage.  It’s ridiculous how often I wish we’d go camping or hiking or rent a cabin the woods so I can spend some time staring at them, even more so when I remember we have some right in our very own backyard.

Eighteen months ago, when my then-boyfriend brought me to look at this house, I was horrified.  I couldn’t see the wide hallways and huge closets and so. much. square. footage. for what they are: awesome.  I could only feel the creepiness of being in someone else’s house – an old person’s house.  And now?  I love this house.  Well, as often as I hate it.

A month later, with the house under contract and closing only a few days away, my neighborhood-snooping husband was looking online when we noticed this property was almost two acres.  Whaaaa?  So we snuck back to explore.  I was enchanted.  Literally.

“It’s like we own part of Central Park!” I told my mom.  “With trees and woods and a clearing, no less!”

I keep wishing we’d go out of town, spend some time in nature, rent a cabin in the woods, and yet, I have woods.  I own woods.  So off to the woods I went.


Thirty minutes later, I realized a couple of things.  First, it’s incredibly hard for me to just sit.  I had to constantly fight the urge to read something or write something or come back inside.  I love the view, but I didn’t know what to do with it.

Second: yea, that thing about being in the want-t0-have-kids camp.  In those thirty minutes, most of my thoughts came back to kids.

“I could use some of these photos in a kid’s room,” as I took one of many mediocre photographs.

“I don’t want to move.  I want to raise my kids here, always have, remember?” Yes, I ask myself questions.  “Then they’d play in the woods but near enough so I could hear them scream.”

“I never noticed how steep the hill is,” as I surveyed our domain.  “It’s really amazing to be on top of a hill looking down into our little valley… but it’s a little dangerous.”

So I came inside and updated my husband, he of the easygoing unruffledness.  And then he went back to playing video games while I blogged about it.


2 thoughts on “I'm official

  1. Hee hee! Congratulations on your officialness! 🙂
    I’m hoping mine holds off for at least another 2 years until we get settled in again. Probably not though. I can already feel the coals warming and the occasional flare up tickle my belly.

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