Where do we go from here?

I made my blogging reputation as the “honest voice” in the world of wedding planning.  For almost a year, I shared my fears, frustrations and general dislike of the engagement process – and I found kinship with quite a few other women who, like me, didn’t find planning a wedding and preparing to be married all rainbows and butterflies.

For the following year, I continued with the same perspective, sharing honestly (too honestly?) the ups and downs in our marriage.  Oh, the downs! Allowing my fears to dissipate in the light was hugely helpful, as was hearing from y’all that again, marriage isn’t all rainbows and butterflies.

We’re in year two, now, and things are settling down on the home front.  We know each other better now, so unless we’re doing it on purpose, we can avoid pushing each others’ buttons.  More importantly, we have learned how to handle ourselves.  We still argue but we don’t fight anymore.  Someone takes a break, someone takes a breath, and we agree to pick up the conversation another day.

This is good, right?  But I’ve lost my blogging voice. I was all angst and pain and drama and raw honesty.  Now?  I’m feeling very whiny.  Honest is good; whiny sucks.

The next major milestone in our lives will be spawning. (Sorry, couldn’t help it.)  I don’t want to be that woman complaining about how she hates being pregnant and finds it miserable.  Unlike the wedding planning world, there are plenty of us “telling it like it is” already.  So, no niche anymore.

All of this to say: I’m not sure this blog has a focus anymore nor that I have a unique voice in the world of blogging.  I think that’s okay, especially given my reticence to monetize or write to increase my audience.  I just write about my feelings.  {Wow, that was cheesy.} This means I have to accept my feelings rather than pushing them away because I’m uncomfortable, like feeling baby lust and decorating a nursery in my head when I’m bored (more on that in a second).

What do I have left?  There’s always writing about being a female cog in a corporate machine and everything that goes with that – finding my own style of leadership, surviving staff meetings full of “man speak,” trying not to be a shitty boss… I can blog about that.

Clearly no clear point to this post.  Sorry.

~~~

Last Thursday I woke up feeling a bit dizzy, like the last vestiges of a hangover.  I had a bout with dizziness a few months ago and it went away on it’s own.  No biggie… until I woke up Friday at 3:00 am and hurled my guts out – for the next 12 hours.  Long story short: ED on Friday for fluids and anti-nausea meds, dx of “benign situational vertigo.”  Specialist gave me drugs and told me to stay very still (very. still.) for seven days to let my system settle.  So much for my work-week in Seattle.

I’m now bored and drugged up, having watched all five seasons of Bones over the last month (totally gorged myself on the sexiness that is Sealy Booth) and able to surf the ‘net but not really think.  My husband’s been awesome in taking over and being supportive (literally – I walk like I’m drunk so I have to lean on him to get anywhere) and my employees have taken over at work.

*gratitude*  and also *pregnancy dread* (because I hate, hate, hate vomiting and I’m very susceptible to hormones and smells already)

*booooorrrrrreeedddddd*

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9 thoughts on “Where do we go from here?

  1. hey Marisa,
    my blog is also one without a focus… oh well! I personally enjoy unfocused blogs, so I think it can be a niche in its own right.

    about the vertigo: A few months ago my boss had a bout of dizziness, which she’s apparently experienced numerous times over the past 10 years. Her diagnosis is Benign Paroxysmal Positional Vertigo – from googling, I think this may be the same as, or at least related to, benign situational vertigo???. She said it took a long time to find a specialist who is able to do the proper treatment for it, but once she found the right specialist, she is able to go through the treatment, which takes only ~15 min, and it is fixed pretty much instantaneously. More info on BPPV and the treatment here: http://www.dizziness-and-balance.com/disorders/bppv/bppv.html – just in case you are still having issues after you finish your medication. Hope it goes away soon!

    • @Eileen,
      Did they give you Meclazine? I’ll chime in here and say that I provided anesthesia for someone undergoing this procedure a few days ago, and yes, the operation is quite short. It’s also possible that your surgeon would want to rule out a few other possibilities before proceeding. The surgery went very well for that patient, but the surgeon did discuss and reiterate the possibility of “profound hearing loss” immediately prior to the procedure. As with any surgery, it’s never totally benign. Hope you feel better soon. Vertigo stinks!

      • @Austyn,
        Sorry, trouble with the embedded comments. That wasn’t really meant to be “@ Eileen”, but it seemed like the most logical place to comment.

  2. Hey, I just have to chime in. I got married 4 months after you and followed all of your pre-wedding ups and downs on WeddingBee. Which was great, and thanks, but really, I have to thank you most for your brutally honest and insightful posts about your first year of marriage. Like you, my husband and I had a rough. first. year. Two months before our wedding, we moved from NYC back to my home state, and in so doing took huuuuge pay cuts. So, we were struggling with financial issues, family issues, loneliness from friends, plus life issues. You were one of the only voices telling me that I (we) weren’t alone. Now, like you and Joey, my husband and I also seem to have moved past the worst part, and I can genuinely say that we seem to have remembered why we fell in love with each other so quickly. In fact, our first anniversary is in eighteen days– woohoo!

    Your blog is one of the few I check daily. Why? Because of your honesty, yes, but also just because of the questions you ask and the insights you offer. I’m realizing that I spent my entire 20’s looking for the man I would marry, and now that I’ve checked that off my list, I’m trying to figure out where I (we) go from here– and, like you, I’m readying for kids, but I’m not really ready yet.

    I’m meandering, but what I really wanted to say is thank you for helping me to get through one of the toughest years of my life. And please keep blogging– about TV shows (Have you watched Dexter? Because my husband and I are *obsessed*.), home improvement projects, and becoming the grown up you want to be. I’ll keep reading!!

  3. Keep writing! I’m so glad to have found your blog last fall, as I could clearly identify with the ups and downs of the first year of marriage (I had a few “holy s, I do the SAME THING!” moments). My blog no longer has a focus either and I don’t update as much as I’d like, as I think I always need some grandiose event on which to post. As for Andy and I, the second year has been better by far, despite changing jobs, earning less, and moving away from family and friends. Like you and Joey, we’re not fighting anymore either; we’ve toned down our disagreements immensely! Anyhow, I would hate to lose a sound blogger who’s not afraid to tell it like it is! But if you feel the need to break away, that’s okay too. Life goes on. 🙂

  4. So are you content to have a blog with no focus? You sound content but then I wonder why the title. Personally, I read lots of blogs that don’t have an overarching focus. I think it is best for each post in itself to have a tight focus but you’ve always maintained that your blog is more for you than for an audience, so do what feels right for what you want out of the bloggity blog thing. It takes up a heck of a lot more time for you to run it than for me to read it, after all.

  5. Marisa,

    Lots of blogs have no focus. Most of the Bees still have blogs with no focus after they get married. In fact, most had no focus before or after they got married.

    I think people are interested in your journey to self discovery which really never ends. How you confront situations and make decisions is fascinating. Like you, i am an ENFP. We married in the same general time frame and we are both surprisingly looking to conceive our families in the same general time frame. I really enjoy reading about your indecision and your struggle to be a good and just boss without being a pushover because I have the same types of dilemmas. Continue to be the honest voice with or without a direction.

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