Just about to get fun?

I don’t think of myself as married.  Well, I do, in that I know I’m married and he’s my husband way but not in the automatically checks the “Married” box when filling out a survey way.  I do the same double-take when I have to check our income or my age group.  Weird to be faced with where you are in life in a survey – or is it weirder that I think it’s weird?

“Are you happy being married?” I asked him.  He, of course, thought this was a trick question.  Maybe it was.  No.  More that it was an entry point to my next thought.

“Being married gets easier with time.”

We’re there – the oh dear God please let this be easier someday please please pretty please because it must, right? it must or else… please, just let it be easier someday place.  It’s good.

But we’re used to being stressed over something, so though we respond, “Stressed!” when asked why we didn’t sleep well last night, we have a harder time pinpointing the reason.

“We’re okay on money, you know.”  This to ourselves and each other, to reassure and make it real.

“We’re doing pretty well together, too.” Again, reassurance and a bit of surprise.

“We should be okay with making some progress – any little bit – each day.  That’s life.”  We nod. Yup.  Doing great.

Still looking for reasons to explain our heightened stress levels, though, like the monkeys in the study that do the thing (hi, I suck at stories) long past the point it had any functional benefit.

Strange, this point of marriage.  It’s like, if we as a couple were a growing human, we’re not-quite-adolescents with all the angst and growing and hormones (I believe that’s called “pregnancy”?), but we’re past the terrible twos.  We’re cool, well-behaved enough to take along on everyday adventures, quirky enough to maybe offer a funny perspective, settled enough not to freak out when we can’t see each other (or our appendages) for a moment.

We’re six or seven years old – not quite at constant fart jokes hilarity, but able to walk without holding someone’s hand.

Or something.  (Stream of thought posting, yet again, while sitting in the bath protecting my laptop from a precarious perch on the edge of the tub.  Bet the corporate IT staff didn’t think of that when they made me take three classes on protecting our business assets.)


2 thoughts on “Just about to get fun?

  1. ‘easier’ – I’m not sure if that’s the word. Granted I’m only a year or two ahead of you on this journey. I feel there’s always going to be ‘work’ involved – but maybe that work becomes more natural. For us I feel like we become complacent and stop paying attention… and before long something seems off. No matter what we learn about each other we are still different people and have to make sure we’re traveling ‘somewhat’ in the same direction. So we’re trying to stay more ‘aware’ – and make sure we keep ‘working’ on the little things that hopefully will result and in more happy times and less frustrated times 🙂 But I’m not sure if it’s ‘easier’.

    PS – I hate that almost 4 years later we STILL have the same arguments. Maybe one day we’ll get past them:)

    • @Jilian, I remember reading some study that said some percentage of arguments had by couples were (and would always be) the same one. Put another way: something like 20% of your arguments over a lifetime of marriage are the same one! Argh! But at least it gave me the freedom to accept that we’ll always fight about certain things. Argh!

      Awareness is tough, I agree. We talked last night about something hard for us, something we’d have been okay ignoring indefinitely, but it wasn’t okay, so we had to do the talking. It worked out, but it was rough (personal emotional) work.

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