Successful marriage is a triumph over small moments, measured in a word not spoken or a thing not thrown.  In the silence, you wonder whether it’s cowardice or mercy that holds your tongue.  But it stays held.  Emotions are left frustrated, frustrations just… there.  Until finally, thankfully, gone.  In a moment.  Or fifteen, but just moments, added together to accommodate breathing and thinking and being. Eventually, words.

I watched a documentary on Denali.  Climbers spend thousands of dollars and hours (and sometimes lives) trying to summit a peak simply because it’s there.  “Climb” is a verb, but the act of climbing a super mountain (Denali, Everest, K2) is just a series of triumphs over small moments while gasping for breathing room, too.

Watching the documentary, I couldn’t imagine wanting to do that.  Why?  If you stopped fifteen miles below, still pain, right?  But a greater chance of keeping your life.  These are good things.  But tonight, thinking about today’s moments of incredible frustration, I maybe catch the tiniest glimpse of getting it.

(Still, I’ll continue to be that person obsessively reading mountaineering memoirs without a single iota of desire to do it.  I don’t like pain, thanks.  Will just read about yours while in a nice hot bath reading my Kindle.  Speaking of, any good book recommendations?  I’m baby-prepping* and mountaineered out, plus the books that inspired the Bones series kind of suck.)


I’ve watched every Bones episode ever.  I’m out.  So I’m starting over, except I don’t like rewatching things.  *big pathetic sigh*  Want to suggest the next show I can gorge myself on until I’m out?  Quirky characters, strong (multiple) women, consistent episode structure, please.  Bonus points for manly mcmansters like Booth.  We may think we’ve come a long way from our cavemen days, but give me a manly man with a protective inclination and a sweet voice (as he tells me all about love and honesty and goodness) and I am all over that.  Yum.  (Also: Maxim Schmerekovsksky from Dancing with the Stars, McSteamy. McDreamy got too McSlickster for me, but McSteamy?  Yum.)

*just research, thanks for asking.  I get overwhelmed when something is looming (evidence: my entire engagement) so I’m pre-learning now so that when the moment (okay, ten months of moments) is upon us, I’m not actively researching anything.  = coping mechanism. = Year Of Not Losing My Shit (as often)


18 thoughts on “Randomness

  1. We’re not telling people in our real lives, but my husband and I are on pretty much the same timeline that you and yours are for starting this whole having a kid thing. Makes me happy that I can have my own freak outs while reading along with yours 🙂 I feel the same way about wanting a while to read and prepare and really get settled with all of it before it happens because I want to spend that time enjoying it and having time to prepare for that next part after pregnancy.
    Right now we’re planning some travel we want to do before starting to not try not to get pregnant and I’m sort of kind of doing it way in advance so I’ll have ample time later to read some of the books I’m hoping people recommend to you here. It’s all very exciting to be talking in terms of next year rather than someday, but it’s a lesson in patience for me and in savoring the wonderful life we have now before we go ahead and shake things up. And I am starting to appreciate that part, too.

    • @lindsey kaye, Do you feel weird reading the books and doing the research? I do, and I realized it’s akin to stalking wedding blogs before being engaged, which is perceived to be a strange thing, but in reality, is a great way to dream without pressure before you actually have the need to decide and execute! I still can’t help but be a little bashful when I meet my husband at the bookstore register with a handful of pregnancy books. It’s not a hint! I’m really just trying to preempt any meltdowns later!

      • @Marisa, Yes! I feel totally weird. So weird in fact that I have kept all my reading online so far and haven’t brought a baby/pregnancy book home yet (except TCOYF but that’s because we decided to switch to charting a couple years ago). Soon though, I think it will change. When we decided quietly that we wanted to get married about 6 months before our actual engagement I finally felt ok to buy a few magazines and start making plans. Sure, some changed by the time we were making concrete decisions but it was a long process to find out what we liked and what worked best for us – something I would imagine would take longer when you’re talking about a child. Before we have the many many (many) people giving us all sorts of unsolicited advice and asking about our plans, I’d like to be knowledgeable and confident.
        You’re so right when you say it’s not a hint, but that you’re just trying to prepare early before it’s a reality. I don’t want to lose my shit when I’m pregnant, I’d like to do that before hand, thanks.

        Oh – and as for TV, I got into Fringe a couple years ago when it started. Some don’t like how similar it is to the X-Files but I got past that and now 3 seasons later it’s very different. You would love Walter (John Noble’s character) and Olivia is a badass.

      • @Marisa, I have to jump in here… I’m the SAME way. I bought TCOYF, but justified the book as being a learning process about my body, not JUST for pregnancy. I bought “What to Expect BEFORE You Are Expecting” but have hid it from everyone because I don’t want anyone to think I’m crazy! Like you, I just want to be prepared and think about things ahead of time, but unfortunately, that can be crazy to some people.

  2. Try Friday Night Lights. My husband and I watch series of shows on our Netflix and I loved Bones! We started session 1 of FNL and loved it! Coach is nice eye candy and I think their marriage is interesting to watch. Like I said we just started so I don’t know where it’s going…

  3. Second for Friday Night Lights. The football is really incidental and so far (I’m in Season 3) I think the Coach’s marriage is one of the more realistic portrayals of marriage I have seen on TV.

    I would also say that How I Met Your Mother is highly entertaining, if you don’t already watch it.

  4. Dexter – its on Netflix as well and is a great show. i also love all of the HBO shows you can get on Netflix – the wire, deadwood, six feet under… some of the best TV shows ever in my opinion.

  5. No TV show suggestions, but I know you have Netflix, and they just made “Babies” available for instant watch. It’s fantastic.l

    • @Julie, I keep trying and not getting into it, but perhaps if I started at the beginning and better understood the characters, I’d be more hooked. I will try!

  6. In terms of TV suggestions… do you watch House? I really like it… it has some great twists and interesting characters.

    As for books (was that in this post or another??)… I really like “Water For Elephants,” “Still Alice,” and I am currently reading “The Help,” which is good so far!

  7. Have you seen Deadwood? I love that while some parts of it are so consistant, the characters develop beautifully. Just watch. One character you start out loathing you find you…actually…like…and….maybe even admire. Just a little. Do be warned that there is a lot of violence and cussing. It’s not a pretty, cleaned up West.

  8. Marissa, you ARE weird, silly girl. Weird is good. Normal is weird. You get what I’m saying, right!
    Anyways, I am in love with all books by Bill Bryson, so I splurged on the hard cover of his new one “At Home”. A history of life, homes, architecture, and pretty much anything else he randomly decides to talk about. I’m a non-fiction nut, so….this isn’t exactly mindless reading, but he does do history in a really approachable and easy reading style. Also, if you like adventure type books, have you read “Into the Wild”? I’m sure you have, but if not it’s pretty good. Any Edward Abbey book is good, but esp. Desert Solitaire. Very much wilderness ramblings meet philosophy. Hope this gets you turned on to something new!

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