Successful marriage is a triumph over small moments, measured in a word not spoken or a thing not thrown. In the silence, you wonder whether it’s cowardice or mercy that holds your tongue. But it stays held. Emotions are left frustrated, frustrations just… there. Until finally, thankfully, gone. In a moment. Or fifteen, but just moments, added together to accommodate breathing and thinking and being. Eventually, words.
I watched a documentary on Denali. Climbers spend thousands of dollars and hours (and sometimes lives) trying to summit a peak simply because it’s there. “Climb” is a verb, but the act of climbing a super mountain (Denali, Everest, K2) is just a series of triumphs over small moments while gasping for breathing room, too.
Watching the documentary, I couldn’t imagine wanting to do that. Why? If you stopped fifteen miles below, still pain, right? But a greater chance of keeping your life. These are good things. But tonight, thinking about today’s moments of incredible frustration, I maybe catch the tiniest glimpse of getting it.
(Still, I’ll continue to be that person obsessively reading mountaineering memoirs without a single iota of desire to do it. I don’t like pain, thanks. Will just read about yours while in a nice hot bath reading my Kindle. Speaking of, any good book recommendations? I’m baby-prepping* and mountaineered out, plus the books that inspired the Bones series kind of suck.)
I’ve watched every Bones episode ever. I’m out. So I’m starting over, except I don’t like rewatching things. *big pathetic sigh* Want to suggest the next show I can gorge myself on until I’m out? Quirky characters, strong (multiple) women, consistent episode structure, please. Bonus points for manly mcmansters like Booth. We may think we’ve come a long way from our cavemen days, but give me a manly man with a protective inclination and a sweet voice (as he tells me all about love and honesty and goodness) and I am all over that. Yum. (Also: Maxim Schmerekovsksky from Dancing with the Stars, McSteamy. McDreamy got too McSlickster for me, but McSteamy? Yum.)
*just research, thanks for asking. I get overwhelmed when something is looming (evidence: my entire engagement) so I’m pre-learning now so that when the moment (okay, ten months of moments) is upon us, I’m not actively researching anything. = coping mechanism. = Year Of Not Losing My Shit (as often)