1. Your parents will thank you — and, more awkwardly, will thank your spouse — when you tell them. Which, in a roundabout way, is them thanking you for basically having sex. This is awkward.
2. People tend to scream, “Eeeeeh!” and you’ll just stand there, awkwardly. (Sensing a theme?) It’s not that you’re not as or more excited than they are, just that you got your “eeeeeeh’s” out of the way weeks ago. Before the feeling-yucky. Also, you have to deal with the scariness of life-changing-ness. They just get to buy your offspring cute clothes.
3. People’s eyes will immediately go to your midsection and you’ll want to suck it in or explain that what they might think is a baby bump is, in fact, three straight days of overeating Mexican food like a Labrador puppy.
4. Non-pregnant people will seem stunned that you can’t find out the gender of your kid until ~20 weeks. Halfway. And they’ll say things like, “Oh, that’s just around the corner.” You, fresh off a few weeks of nausea and indigestion, will think, “OHMYGOD I have to do this two more months just to hit halfway?”
5. Much like telling people you’re engaged, their first question is usually, “When?” This, thankfully, is easier to answer when knocked up than when engaged, unless you’re me and feel the need to bless them with a TMI explanation like, “Well, the calculation from the first day of my last period says August 1, but the ultrasound — and my own charting and history of 30-day plus cycles — say it’s more like August 4th or 5th, and since I don’t want you to start calling me on August 1st to ask if I’ve spawned the monster, I’ll just say I’m due in August. And did you know the first two weeks after your last menstrual period count as pregnant even though, without ovulation, you weren’t really pregnant? It’s craaaaazzzzay!”
Have any to add? And are we the only ones who a) think being thanked for procreating is akin to being thanked for doing the dirty and b) think this is awkward?
Yay, glad to be back! Soon we’ll brainstorm things you are and are not allowed to say to a pregnant woman and/ or her husband, something near and dear to my pre-pregnant heart (everyone gripes about the dumb things people say, but they don’t tell you what you can say)… and eventually, once I put my big girl panties on and grow a pair (ahem, mixing metaphors), I want to talk about good and not-so-good reasons to decide where to give birth.
In other blog news, I’ll keep the Pregnant-Me posts on the http://www.parentheticalme.com/three site (though I may rename it to “Pregnant Me”) but I’m likely to be talking a lot about pre-/ impending-/ post-parenthood stages here. And, you know, the usual topics: freaking out, being cheap, freaking out about being cheap, trying to be a grown-up with a grown-up job, etc, etc.