I like the word, “ease.” Rarely do I leap in that direction — given a choice, I’ll choose angsty every time — but I’m trying to be gentle with myself and take a break from the drama I invite.
“Kiddo, you may be sleeping in a laundry basket, but you’ll have a mama who can cope without losing her shit.” Somehow it seems wrong to speak in cuss words to a baby, but since I’m not actually speaking the words out loud, I let it go.
I find myself obsessing over curtains and a rug for the nursery, spending hours searching for the rug I picture in my head but can’t seem to find online, brain capacity debating the merits of making real curtains or trimming out a set of my favorite blue sheets instead. I don’t do anything about anything, but I think about it a lot.
The thinking ends up overwhelming me. The actions? Still not getting done.
Our good friends had our favorite neighbor baby almost three years ago and are due to have their second kid any day now. We went over to their beautiful new house for dinner the other night and she showed me the nursery. It was beautiful… and simple. A crib, a mirror, a dresser and cabinet, and a rocker. Neutral rug, clothes hung up, sweet lilac blanket thrown over the chair. Her son’s nursery had been equally simple and charming, done early in their pregnancy out of excitement and not changed much in the two years they lived in that house. His new room was huge but they didn’t feel the need to fill it, so it had a bed and rug, a dresser and toybox, and a little chair.
I keep trying for awesome and getting side-tracked on the way, leaving me with frumpy or unfinished or kluged. The wood blinds we hung in the living room were far more effective at achieving grown up and finished than any of the curtain treatments I made or bought. A few throw pillows will make more of an impact than repainting every wall. Again.
So no more obsessing over curtains and a rug, neither thing a functional requirement for an infant living in a house with dogs and cats (and their accompanying fur balls) in a shady room with wood blinds. Decorative? Yes. Necessary and worthy of obsessing? No.
I’m choosing ease.
The kid needs a crib (check), mattress (check), clothes (check), diapers (check), and sustenance (um, no check, crap). I should be spending my time figuring out what I need for breastfeeding paraphernalia, clearly. And finishing painting the nursery one single paint color, even if that paint color doesn’t end up being my favorite thing ever.
But if you find a well-priced and durable 5 x 7 rug the color of grass, do let me know.