The way it began is how I want it to end

I’ve learned to let big decisions simmer.

Ruminate: to ponder, plan or plot. (Flashbacks of 9th grade English vocabulary lessons.)

Sometimes I don’t even need to talk about the thing. Some time with it in my head and things start to make sense.

So here I am, a month later, finally closer to a decision about who I want around while giving birth to my little spawn: my husband. (Well, and the medical personnel because that can’t be helped. Well, it could be helped, but I’m not that willing to go off the ranch, so to speak.)

Every time I’ve thought about giving birth, I can’t avoid the parallel between that and the deed that got us into this situation. (Ahem.) Both are intimate situations, involve bodily fluids and nakedness, and are better experiences when you’re relaxed.  If I can’t even think the phrase “giving birth” without visions of nakedness and Twister, then no, uh uh, having in-laws around is not the way to go.


Ina May talks about smooching with one’s husband as a great way to relax and get through childbirth. Totally not gonna happen if his parents are around, even if I could get him to relax enough about them. And you know? This is going to be one of the times I need it to be all about me. Give or take luck and fate and the potential for intervention, we’re relying on my ability to get this kid out successfully, so I need all eyes on me.

And fewer eyes are better, thankyouverymuch.

Now, to break the news to my husband in a way that I don’t seem like I’m pulling rank (though I totally am using the vajayjay vote) and to come up with something interesting and useful for his parents to do while they’re not with us at the birth center. Would it be terrible to leave them a list of things to do around our house to be ready for when we get home?  Like making our bed with fresh sheets (we’ll take the old ones off, no worries), lighting some candles, feeding and letting the dogs out… anything else?


In other news, I think my mom will just book a flight for a specific day. If she’s here before the kiddo arrives, awesome; if not, we’ll hang out until he does.  Given our need to wait for him to decide when he’s ready to come out, I can’t think of any other way to handle the scheduling.

Of course, if my mom is here in our house, then the “get the house ready for us” request could go to her….

Details, shmetails.

{P.S. I reserve the right to call in my mama — if she’s in town — if I need her. Birthing woman’s prerogative, I say.}


7 thoughts on “The way it began is how I want it to end

  1. We are on the same page. I’m already cooking up ideas for how to keep the in-laws at bay while allowing my parents to hang out in the waiting room. We SO get a vajayjay vote. 🙂

  2. Honey, it’s ALL about you. And, you know, a little about your husband. Vajayjay vote for sure. I imagine the in-laws and/or your mom would love to help out any way they can. I’d have them clean your whole house. And buy you groceries (healthy snacks, things for easy meals like sandwiches, lots to keep you hydrated). I’ve heard people say that pregnancy is not when you’re eating for two; breastfeeding is. I believe it. You could also maybe have a phone tree (email/text message tree?) for them to notify your people. Have someone willing to run out and buy you your first post-baby meal. I say go unhealthy if that’s what you’re craving. And while I’m spouting off advice (as usual) I’d suggest reading Mandy’s post-delivery post on OMGMom since I’m not sure what, uh, supplies you’ll be sent home with since you won’t be at a hospital. I’d buy those things beforehand so you don’t have to ask someone else to. All that said, good for you for making a decision! And for problem-solving the potential problems/hurt feelings in advance.

  3. I am so dreading this conversation. I know it’s going to be a fight. A giant, messy fight – but you’re right. My vj, my rules. End of story.

  4. I’m with you 100% – I cannot IMAGINE my in-laws being in the room when I’m in labor. As much as I love them – which is a lot – it would be impossible to relax.

    The list of tasks is actually a great idea. There were 5 people at my sister’s house when she was in the hospital, first during a looong labor, then a longish recovery time. We were all itching for something to do, but she had printed out a list, so it was perfect. We weeded the yard, stocked the fridge, took the dog for long walks, did laundry, etc… it helped us pass the time while we waited for baby news, and the new parents came home to a clean house, lots of food and a happy dog.

  5. I cannot even fathom any woman wanting or being ok with her in-laws being in the room (of course, that goes to show you how weird I am about “intimate” things) not can I fathom an in-law WANTING such an experience. I mean, you’re that close that you feel it’s ok to watch the woman give birth??? You’re that excited about the grandchild that you can’t wait until he’s cleaned off and crying?? Give mama a break! Of course, as always, this is coming from someone who doesn’t even know if I want kids at all, so I might have a slightly different perspective.

  6. It sounds like a good plan to me – I can’t imagine having my mother in law in there while birthing, although like you, I would want the option of having my mom! Hoping that the conversation with your husband goes well… 🙂

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