Twice now I’ve been a little more b*tchy than I’ve wished because we’ve told people about baby-related decisions and I wish we hadn’t. While talking to my mom the other night, I mentioned that we were down to two names for the kiddo and just couldn’t choose. Of course she wanted to know what they were and of course my husband was all for telling her, so I did.
And then I regretted it, because of course she offered other ideas (and her opinions on each). “Mom, we’re not asking for other contestants here, just debating between these two. Yes, we did consider family names. No, we didn’t like those. No, I don’t like that pronunciation. Yes, I know YOU’d like it; it’s your dad’s name. Nope, not in the running, sorry.”
ARGH. I knew better, really, I did.
Then last night at a wedding, my husband told a neighbor about our HippieBirthing plans. When she turned to me to ask more about it, I should have been more diplomatic (*blush*) but I basically responded that we’d let people know how it went afterward and I wasn’t up for talking about it ahead of time.
Shoulda warned my husband that we’re not telling people about HippieBirthing because I don’t care for their input. Somehow it’s different to blog about it; you guys can offer your thoughts (or not) and I can ignore them (or not). In person, though, there’s the expectation of a response in both directions, which leads to awkward exchanges wherein I don’t care what they think but have to play nice to their (often somewhat stupid) comments. Also, I don’t want to hear “how brave” I am or how they could never give birth sans epidural because I haven’t actually done it yet and am not feeling very brave. Some things are better discussed in retrospect.
Also, I don’t care to change their perception of me/ us with what I consider to be private decisions. I guess you could say I’m anti-proselytizer about almost everything.
In my quieter moments, though, I consider my husband’s perspective: he takes (and prefers) input from people pretty much all the time. In fact, we’ve had arguments about this because (for example) I didn’t think his parents need to know we were thinking about having kids. Perhaps I need to be more willing to let people’s input roll through? Or less concerned that a random comment from someone to him will undo our decision? (This is probably the more honest fear I have.)
So now that we’re pretty close to choosing a name, we’ll have to decide whether we’re telling people — and, as my mom keeps reminding me, who “people” are (“I’m not people, I’m the grandma!”). Since we’ll be decided, I think I’m okay with it.
Did you tell your people when a decision was made (wedding date, location, kid names) or while deciding? How do you feel about input?
Update: For those creative folks, this is an awesome way to announce a name: http://www.spearmintbaby.com/2011/06/baby-boy-name-announcement/ I love that the ANNOUNCEMENT factor minimizes the offering-input factor.