*I posted before that I didn’t want anyone at the Birth Center — waiting room or otherwise — except my husband and I. We talked and argued and talked some more, dropped it, came back to it, and then started the cycle all over again. We talked about it at HippieBirthing, over dinner, late at night, with multiple midwives, in the car outside Radio Shack (seriously) and on a dog walk. We’ve beat this horse to death.
And I pulled the vajayjay vote. My vajayjay, my decision. Despite my discomfort with that kind of power play, I stand behind it.
But then I lost my shit twice in a week and admitted what my husband had been trying to remind me: he’s not always able to comfort me when I’m overwhelmed. He tries, but often, what he’s laying down is not what I want to pick up, ya know? He began to campaign that I allow (such the wrong word, somehow, but accurate nonetheless) my mom to be nearby, at least, if not in the room. He would like the option of someone to tag-team in, he said, if it would be helpful to me in that moment.
Me: fair point.
We talked again about his parents. It’s not so much that in-laws can be stressful to me, I said, but that they were more likely to be so to him. “I need you on your A-game, here with me, not trying to make sure they’re okay and settled and comfortable. And even if you’re not, people get impatient. They peek their heads around doorways. They ask if you need anything, if everything’s okay, if they should be worried. They mean well, but I don’t want to be on a timetable, don’t want to think about the people who have been waiting for 12 hours.”
Him: fair point.
So after a discussion with our midwife last week and another quick tour of the Birth Center birth area, I’m coming closer to a compromise. If my mom’s in town, we’ll make sure she knows how to get there. If either of us starts to feel that we need reinforcements, we’ll call her in. We’ll call his parents to head over, but not until we’re very, very close to the end, and he will talk to them ahead of time about our preferences. And we’ll ask them to bring chocolate muffins, because how can you not look forward to people arriving when they’re bringing chocolate muffins with them?
It’s tough when the behaviors you know will drive you nuts are those caused by people caring. Checking in, wanting to be there, making sure everything’s okay – these are not actions borne of anything at all negative. And yet, when you know what stresses you out, you must do some mitigation if you’re already anxious, no?