Week six here, doing a drive-by to say hi and unload. You know, the usual.
First, I knew before I had kids that I would not be a happy SAHM, and although people assured me it would be different with my own spawn, I am here to say ‘tis not the case. I would not be a happy SAHM, not based on my experience thus far, anyway.
Every day runs together. Every hour is just one hour closer to (or barely away from) another step in the same short-cycle process: eat, sleep, poop, fuss (because Mama can’t figure out what the hell he wants). This shouldn’t be rocket science. Did you notice there are only FOUR steps? And yet, six weeks in, every day I still ask of the newborn, “What do you want from me?”
And also, I find myself looking forward to going back to work and having someone else figure out how to fill my son’s days with useful and productive learning kinds of things. I feel bad about this, but I’d feel worse if I wasn’t honest enough to admit that all I do is get through the day, learning activities my *ss. Again, I wish this was different, but it is what ‘tis.
I don’t feel like I have an excuse to complain, either, seeing as how my husband splits the middle-of-the-night wake-ups with me close to 50/50, my son is healthy and pretty good at sleeping (although almost never when we want him to) and I have the luxury of 12 weeks away from work to focus on this new family.
But here I am, complaining. This is not my thing, people. I love the kid, really, really do, but I just don’t know what to DO with him, and “enjoy him” is too rainbows and butterflies for me. I’m sure I’ll regret this later, but right now, I’d just like a teeny tiny bit more opportunity to miss him. I’d also like more sleep, something I feel I should apologize for thinking lest he suddenly sleep even less than he does.
Lucky for me he’s really cute. Dude started smiling the other day and now graces us with one right when we’re about to lose our everloving minds. Smart kid!
Soon: my Mirena experience, review of the new stroller, breakdown of sleep/ feed strategies by book, and other not-whiny stuff. Thanks for bearing with me through the griping.