I spent part of this evening putting us back on a budget. After a quarter of proving a point to my hubby by making him our Chief Financial Officer, it was time. We spent almost five months happily blowing money on stuff, and while it was fun, I still felt vaguely guilty and hung over.
Yet, I put off actually doing it for two months. Two months! Why? Because I simultaneously fight what I know I need and need what I’m fighting. My soul won’t settle when I’m not in some kind of control of our money, but I push away the idea that I need it anyway.
People are weird. I am weird. Who knew that getting older just meant accepting your juxtapositions with more gentleness?
After an hour of procrastination (Mint? Mvelopes? Spreadsheet?), I spent 15 minutes on it and was finished. Huh. All that dread for just a few minutes of frankly satisfying work.
It got me thinking about how many of my married female friends are also in this position – the family CFO because we’re better at it. I know a handful of us who have proven a point to our mates by letting them take the reigns, then cleaned up after they cried uncle and admitted we were better at it. Interestingly, I also know quite a few women who are the primary breadwinners while their husbands find their dreams. Funny how times are changing, aren’t they?
And yet, bacon-bringing aside, we’re still the mamas who hold their babies just because, even after the babies are asleep in their happy little beds, just for our mama hearts. It’s hard to reconcile sometimes, but fantastic how a girl can at least try to juggle a little bit of it all, no?