One and done?

I didn’t take the PSAT my sophomore year of high school like everyone else, more due to forgetting to register than anything else. When I was “late” taking the ACT in my junior year, my guidance counselor was nervous I’d not have time to retake it to improve my score.

I nailed it, scoring in the 99th percentile, surprising myself even more than my circle of competitive nerd friends. (Going into the test, I prayed for at least a 27 so I wouldn’t be harassed incessantly for my dumbness. God, we were all jerks.)

My counselor, after she finished crowing to her peers about my score, pressured me to take the test again to see if I could do even better, but I demurred over and over. Why pay the application fee when I was happy?, I told her.

Really, though, I was afraid. Taking it again might net me that 27 after all, proving it was a fluke, at best, or I was a fraud, at worst.

I think I’ve always wanted just one kid. For a while, I tried to believe I’d be okay childless, but I couldn’t ignore that my dreams of my future had always included a child… But just one child, I have come to admit. I’m a mom, my husband’s a dad, and our parents get to be grandparents. Javi is pretty effing awesome and it feels like we have enough.

More honestly, though, I’m afraid. Despite being shell-shocked by our first few months of parenting, we got a really good kid! He wasn’t colicky or allergic and has been mostly healthy and a good sleeper. He’s smart and funny and athletic and intense and independent and the best parts of my husband and I.

Surely the universe isn’t this predictable, but I’m convinced a next kid is bound to be the difficult yin to his relatively easy yang. I don’t want to test the theory.

For now, then, we think we’re “one and done.” Sometimes I wish we were certain we wanted more kids, though, so the question would be one of when, not the constantly intruding one of if.



5 thoughts on “One and done?

  1. It is so interesting to me how different people are when it comes to these types of decisions. Even though I was in the middle of a big medical issue with my daughter at the time (which to me would make me NOT want another any time soon as it was a terribly stressful time in addition to her being a newborn), I already knew that I wanted another baby by the time she was 6 weeks old! Before we had her, we discussed that we’d see how having one goes before deciding (but we did think we wanted more than one as we both have siblings). I’m already dreaming of being pregnant again even though it wasn’t a fantastic experience for me the first time! Maybe I am having the opposite of your yin and yang? I’m hoping for that smooth experience for a newborn vs. what I had?

    One of my very best friends just had a baby on Oct and she is pretty certain they’re one and done and can’t even imagine going through pregnancy and birth again. She feels just as strongly about this as I feel that I want to have another.

  2. I can understand. Mine is so awesome I feel like lightening won’t strike twice. I see nothing wrong at all with only having one or even none. The only thing that truly saddened me and makes me think about having another, if not more, is a dear friend of mine passed a year ago. His parents had already passed before so it was just him and his sister.

    Speaking with her at his funeral was so sad. It really hurt me deeply when she said that all of her family was gone. She was all alone. It made my husband and I think that when we are gone, we wanted Bug to have other siblings to cleave to.

    I know that friends and other support structures can be just as good if not better than siblings. I also know it’s flawed logic because one will always be the last and be left alone. There is just something that struck us and made us feel like having other siblings would make the loss a little better. In a weird way its a romanticized idea of all of your fantastic children loving and supporting each other through a difficult time. Kind of like the dream of siblings who never fight and are the bestest of friends…

  3. We are still firmly in the IF not When camp and I hate it. I almost (big almost) wish for an oops baby just so we don’t have to think about it anymore. Yes, I know that’s crazy but atleast the decision would be made and I could quit thinking about it! I had a sucky pregnancy that ended in the early birth of a 3lb baby who spent a month in the NICU, but we brought home an awesome kid who despite her crazy entry into the world is fantastic. I am scared of another awful pregnancy and birth, but mostly scared that the next one won’t be as cool and easy as my daughter is. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one that thinks that way — maybe all parents do and most just don’t admit it??

  4. We had always said that we would have two that way we’d atleast be trying for the dream of one boy and one girl. We knew within 2 days of my daughter’s birth that we were most likely going to be “one and done”. We didn’t have any complications and my daughter has been pretty good with all of her milestones etc but we just feel that we’d be shorting her and any future children if we had to split time and financial resources between them. My daughter is 13 months old and we’re sure that we wouldn’t even consider another child for at least 5 years and at that point the age difference will be too much for our likely so at this point we’re going to give our little one everything we’ve got and be just fine with our decision despite what other people may say.

  5. Hey! Us too! except I feel guilty for not giving my son a playmate/companion/life long friend. No one knows you like a sibling (for better or worse), they know almost exactly where you come from (rim shot). But my son has been such a breeze, hospital visits and all, that I KNOW my next one will(would) be a screamer.

    But I really really like the idea of big families(I’m #nine out of close to 40 cousins, my son is the 9th great grandchild and my mom’s the ninth child).

    Also, we are perfectly content with our son, we don’t feel like anything is missing. But I didn’t feel like anything was missing before him either.

    In Summation- thanks for the post. You articulated my thoughts much more coherently than I could.

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