I’m home from a week long trip to the mother ship in Seattle, still feeling hung over from all the words that came out of my mouth (not to mention my first night of real drunkenness in a really long time). My liver has recovered but my <pride, embarrassment, sense of regret?> has not. Despite many (many, many) hours of Monday morning quarterbacking my more memorable declarations and fights picked, I think I did the right things…
… and yet.
Years spent trying to be nicer, subtler, sweeter or a little less sharp have worn this pattern into my brain. First, listen. Then, try not to speak. Then, try really hard not to speak. Then, lose patience and say the thing, sometimes but not always with some semblance of tact. Finally, feel terrible for a week despite reminding myself that this is my job.
It is my job to say the things nobody else will say out loud. Once they’re said, we can deal with them. Unsaid, nada.
I will spend this week reminding myself I’ve made a career out of being direct and passionate and willing to start a fight. I will spend a few weeks writing posts for this series, trying (and maybe succeeding?) to be at peace.
Is this a woman thing? Do male executives feel bad about being direct and forcing disagreements to happen? Ours are very nice. My company is full of very nice men who run things and a few fiery women who run things too, sometimes, but a lot more fiery women who never will.
Be prepared – more “I am…” posts will be up in the next few days or weeks.